your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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