Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
