I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
