Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
