yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
