He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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