Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
