I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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