So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
