I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize