Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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