There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
