He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize