On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
