Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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