I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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