I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
