It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
