yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
