what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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