May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
