so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
