I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
