Your tits are I can't wait for
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
