so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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