when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How does one acquire holy water?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
