Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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