Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
