you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
