Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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