I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
