The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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