I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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