A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
