Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
try to milk me bitch
Randomize