Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
