How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
