My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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