i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
