i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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