Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
