: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm just crazy horny about you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
