We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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