So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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