Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
