So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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