whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize