just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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