I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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