he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
