Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
