i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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