Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
