dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
