can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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