Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
