honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
