Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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