I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
