No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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