Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the condom got lost in my hair
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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