Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize