1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Farmville is her only friend.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
