Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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