I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
