I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
