I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize