Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
