There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
