Your face is a jimmy john
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
