finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
