my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
