im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You don't make any sense
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