I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
