I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
