Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize