If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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