We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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