why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
