im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
