I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
