I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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