My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
