my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I supernannyed him into submission
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
