good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
