Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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