I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
