I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
