I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
