The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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