It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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