I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
