You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
