We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
