How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
