Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
