Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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