love makes seman taste better
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
