Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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