saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sext me about skeletons
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
