I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
