Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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