She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
