even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
