my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
