i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
