It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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