Princesses don't give blow jobs
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Mom said you looked used
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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